I am not a nice person.
But I choose to be one.
I have a confession, of sorts.
I am not naturally a nice person.
I actually prefer to avoid people. I wish my life consisted of a small nucleus of work and life, and being the indulgent guardian of my two cats and dog. I want to pay my bills and my taxes, be a good partner, buy my groceries and be left the fuck alone.
I spent many years working in politics — which is an odd vocation for someone that is naturally grumpy, prone to strong opinions and telling the truth, and particularly hazardous to your career and safety if you are a woman of color (as I am.)
But social media has always been a medium where I could be a comfortable version of myself. Friends and sometimes strangers will let me know they like how I curate my life — which is HIGHLY curated, and unapologetically so. “Oh, you post the funniest things!” they always say. It’s authentically my intention. It’s constructed.
Sometimes they also think I’m friendly. I am not. Occasionally, my Resting Bitch Face is a warning, not just an unfortunate configuration of my face. But it turns out you can be a bit unfriendly and still be positive and kind.
A friend called me “aggressively cheerful” and I like that phrase. It fits.
I embrace paradox. I hate the worst in people, and I have seen some truly terrible behavior. I also think humans are capable of beauty and limitless curiosity and kindness. I still believe in humans, as flawed as we are. And we can choose to be kind.
Choosing to be kind is my act of resistance.
At my very core, I will always be an organizer. I know that I can abandon social media and let the world burn, or I can choose to be fiercely optimistic and interject as much positivity as I can. I can still try to interrupt the bullshit with some (tart) sweetness and light, or at least a chuckle.
I will always try to find a way to sprinkle glitter on that digital shit pile of conflict. I’m stubborn. I will sprinkle glitter until the glitter runs out or the shit pile looks festive.
You have that choice, too.
As a new year emerges, we all have a chance to find out how strong we really are. I believe that if we keep the misinformation and the haters from breaking our spirit, we will endure and eventually prevail. But we cannot let them break our spirit. And we cannot work to change the future if we are not kind to ourselves first, and then our family, friends, community and eventually strangers. Maybe even our enemies, too, at some point.
I hope you join me, in my aggressively cheerful acts of resistance.
It won’t be easy. The world and algorithms that rule us won’t help you make this difficult choice. But I hope, when given the chance to complain or indulge in outrage, you might pause and take a moment. That you might couple the indignant rant with another post that reflects on joy, curiosity or gratitude. If you must allow your brain to be hijacked by anger, at least figure out a way to connect with joy, or encourage someone, or ask a question of the world.
You may never know how your digital act of kindness might turn around someone’s day. That throw-away post about how beautiful a sunset is, or a cute picture of a cat/dog/baby, or the incredible meal, or the stupid but adorable GIF helped someone stay strong.
It is powerful.
If you choose to be kind.
Hit the green heart so others might choose to be kind, too. ❤
Tanya lives in Austin, Texas, helps nonprofits win the Internet, and writes for Forbes on negotiation. She does not have time for your foolishness.
